Child custody problems: The gift that keeps on giving

Many married couples can’t seem to get united when it comes to raising their children. Divorce creates a whole new set of potential obstacles when trying to successfully co-parent. This article will focus on one common issue I see in child custody matters: when one parent is a disagreeable jerk. In the child custody context, these “jerks” are often people who are passive-aggressive or they simply disagree or create needless problems because that is just part of their personality. Sometimes these parents are still smarting from a contentious divorce and wrongfully create child custody issues.

The divorce is over but minor children continue to link the parents

Let’s face it, divorce is fertile ground for conflict. Sometimes raw emotions linger after assets are divided and the divorce becomes final. When there are minor children of the marriage, some type of shared custody is often put in place. Child custody arrangements may be formal or informal. In most states, when parents can’t agree on certain matters involving their children, they are often constrained to have the case decided by a court. Sometimes parents can reach an agreement on a majority of child custody issues but still need a judge to decide narrow child custody issues (school choice, passport and travel issues, etc.)

Picking your battles wisely. Keeping your sanity.

If you have shared custody of a minor child with an uncooperative co-parent (jerk), you face special challenges. Some jerks like to create drama. Some jerks like to fight or file “emergency” custody petitions when no real bona fide custody emergency exists.

Some co-parent jerks are passive-aggressive. For example, some passive-aggressive co-parents may show up to custody exchanges late on a regular basis. Sometimes co-parent jerks “forget” to share the child’s important school information. Sometimes they do not respond in a timely fashion for time-sensitive custody related requests from the other parent. The passive-aggressive jerks usually know better, but seem to enjoy creating tension between themselves and the other parent. Jerk-like behavior is almost never in the child’s best interests, however, it can be hard to stop.

One piece of advice I try to have my clients adopt is to pick your child custody battles wisely. It is very rare to have two parents with the exact same parenting philosophy. Sometimes it is best to let go of small, insignificant differences in parenting styles that in the end, make little difference. A well-drafted custody agreement / proposed custody order can act as an enforcement mechanism in the event your co-parent is the “uncooperative type” or “passive-agressive”.

It is also important to not get caught up in allowing the other parent to get your emotions stirred up, just because they know how to do it in the context of a shared child custody situation. Keep the important things in perspective. Always focus on the best interests of your children. In the end, your children will appreciate it and you will be a better parent.

If you have questions about child custody matters in Pennsylvania, I invite your inquiry. Call me at 610 256 4843. Let’s discuss your situation.