For those who follow me on social media, you know I run two popular YouTube channels “The Practical Divorce Lawyer” and “The Unplugged Divorce Attorney”. I get a ton of questions and comments from my YouTube community in the comment section of the videos I post. I have also appeared on other YouTube channels to discuss divorce and family law-related issues. The videos where I appear have over 200,000 views (as of April 2022). Here below is a link to my main YouTube channel. Please watch. Leave a comment. Subscribe. I’d be happy to have you as part of my YouTube and Instagram communities.
by Jonathan C. Noble, Esq. April 22, 2020 3 minute read
Is marriage an outdated concept? This young man seems to be “going his own way”.
Fewer people are choosing marriage.
There is no shortage of information indicating fewer Americans are getting married. Recent studies show that marriage rates have been trending downward for decades. This short article examines some possible reasons why fewer people are marrying.
For many, the focus has turned inward. Self-care, setting personal goals, building wealth, becoming the best version of yourself, enjoying life is the new priority. For many, marriage is simply not a priority or even in the plan.
Many people are shunning conventional social norms regarding marriage and cohabitation. Many more people are establishing and pursuing their own goals and lifestyles, without regard for the norms of past decades. The high rate of non-functioning marriages, the 50%+ divorce rate (for first marriages) and the difficulty of obtaining a divorce have Americans rethinking the concept of marriage.
It is very easy to get married. It can be very difficult to get unmarried. Think before you act. Live intentionally.
Sometimes people enter marriage without properly vetting their future spouse. Untreated mental health disorders and incompatible personality problems are often overlooked and cast aside in the shadow of some people finding their “soulmate”. As a divorce lawyer, I have seen many people who believed that they could “fix” themselves if only they could find a suitable spouse. This almost never leads to a happily-ever-after.
Work hard on yourself. Take excellent care of yourself. Bring the very best version of yourself to the relationship. Insist on nothing less from the other person in your relationship. Live with intention. Marriage cannot and will not “save” you.
If you are coming into my office for a divorce consultation, it is usually too late. If you are thinking about getting married, take your time. Marriage could be one of the most important decisions you will make in your life.
by Jonathan C. Noble, Esq. April 16, 2020 3 minute read
If a marriage ends due to divorce, every married person will either be subject to state divorce laws or subject to the terms of their own valid prenuptial agreement.
Either state divorce laws OR your own valid prenup will determine the outcome of your divorce and post-divorce life.
If you think about it, every married person has a prenuptial agreement in place. Smart couples negotiate and enter into their own valid, written prenuptial agreement. It is usually best for each person to choose and to hire an experienced attorney to draft, negotiate and execute a prenuptial agreement. Prenuptial agreements are not a Do-It-Yourself legal matter.
If you get married and the marriage becomes non-functioning, and you have not negotiated and executed your own valid prenuptial agreement, your legal rights and responsibilities will be governed by state divorce laws. So, in other words, without your own valid prenup in place, you will be subject to a “default prenup” also known as state divorce laws.
It takes time to draft and execute a valid prenup. Start the prenup process early.
Thinking about getting engaged? Do not be afraid to initiate the conversation about putting a valid prenup in place. In the event your marriage becomes non-functioning, a valid prenup can save you time and extensive costs in getting through the divorce process. I suggest that prenups be drafted and properly executed BEFORE any wedding plans are made. There should not be any time or other pressures placed on either person during the prenup process. Each person should have legal counsel of their own choosing.
Every person who marries has a prenuptial agreement. Either your own valid prenup or state divorce laws. GOOD NEWS: YOU CHOOSE.
I believe marriage is an important, life-changing consideration. I also believe everyone should be informed about their rights and responsibilities in the event the marriage becomes non-functioning. I invite your inquiry. Feel free to contact me at jonathancnobleesq at gmail.com or give my office a call (610) 256 4843. I look forward to hearing from you.
A short video explaining how state divorce law becomes your “premarital agreement” if you do not execute your own valid premarital agreement.
by Jonathan C. Noble, Esq. on January 24, 2020 3 minute read
This poor fellow did not likely have a valid prenup
A simple prenuptial consultation before the wedding invitations are ordered may help save your future.
We all like to think that every marriage will last until “death do us part”. Unfortunately, more than half of all first marriages in the United States end in divorce. For second marriages, the failure rate is over 60%. Third marriages fail more than 80% of the time. If you get married in the United States and the marriage lasts until the death of one spouse, you have beaten the odds. Congratulations.
Do not fear the “prenup discussion” with your future spouse.
Many people wrongly believe that they may jeopardize their upcoming wedding plans if they approach the topic of a prenup with the person they plan to marry. If you are afraid to approach your potential future spouse about entering into a comprehensive prenuptial agreement you may wish to reconsider. A prenup discussion is not “unromantic”. In fact, based on the facts of your case, and the personalities and expectations of the couple, a prenup could bring the parties closer together.
A prenuptial agreement is only good if it will be upheld in a court of law.
In other words, it is not usually a good idea to draft and execute your own prenup agreement, (unless you are an experienced family law attorney). Many jurisdictions have strict rules, statutes and decisional law regarding the drafting, execution, timing, and interpretation of prenuptial agreements. You do not want to find out the hard way that the boilerplate prenuptial agreement that you bought off of the internet and signed the night before the wedding is not worth the paper it was written on.
Thinking about getting married? Call an experienced family law attorney. Get informed. You can thank me later.
There is little accurate information available regarding your rights and financial responsibilities regarding marriage. Most people find out about their state laws regarding what happens as a result of a non-functioning marriage when their marriage fails. This can be a hard and expensive lesson to learn.
I invite your inquiry. I look forward to helping you avoid the potential pitfalls in the unfortunate event your marriage becomes non-functioning. Call me at (610) 256 4843 to set up a consultation.
Child custody problems: The gift that keeps on giving
Many married couples can’t seem to get united when it comes to raising their children. Divorce creates a whole new set of potential obstacles when trying to successfully co-parent. This article will focus on one common issue I see in child custody matters: when one parent is a disagreeable jerk. In the child custody context, these “jerks” are often people who are passive-aggressive or they simply disagree or create needless problems because that is just part of their personality. Sometimes these parents are still smarting from a contentious divorce and wrongfully create child custody issues.
Shared child custody does not need to be an ongoing battle.
The divorce is over but minor children continue to link the parents
Let’s face it, divorce is fertile ground for conflict. Sometimes raw emotions linger after assets are divided and the divorce becomes final. When there are minor children of the marriage, some type of shared custody is often put in place. Child custody arrangements may be formal or informal. In most states, when parents can’t agree on certain matters involving their children, they are often constrained to have the case decided by a court. Sometimes parents can reach an agreement on a majority of child custody issues but still need a judge to decide narrow child custody issues (school choice, passport and travel issues, etc.)
Picking your battles wisely. Keeping your sanity.
If you have shared custody of a minor child with an uncooperative co-parent (jerk), you face special challenges. Some jerks like to create drama. Some jerks like to fight or file “emergency” custody petitions when no real bona fide custody emergency exists.
Some co-parent jerks are passive-aggressive. For example, some passive-aggressive co-parents may show up to custody exchanges late on a regular basis. Sometimes co-parent jerks “forget” to share the child’s important school information. Sometimes they do not respond in a timely fashion for time-sensitive custody related requests from the other parent. The passive-aggressive jerks usually know better, but seem to enjoy creating tension between themselves and the other parent. Jerk-like behavior is almost never in the child’s best interests, however, it can be hard to stop.
One piece of advice I try to have my clients adopt is to pick your child custody battles wisely. It is very rare to have two parents with the exact same parenting philosophy. Sometimes it is best to let go of small, insignificant differences in parenting styles that in the end, make little difference. A well-drafted custody agreement / proposed custody order can act as an enforcement mechanism in the event your co-parent is the “uncooperative type” or “passive-agressive”.
It is also important to not get caught up in allowing the other parent to get your emotions stirred up, just because they know how to do it in the context of a shared child custody situation. Keep the important things in perspective. Always focus on the best interests of your children. In the end, your children will appreciate it and you will be a better parent.
If you have questions about child custody matters in Pennsylvania, I invite your inquiry. Call me at 610 256 4843. Let’s discuss your situation.
If you are in my office. It is likely too late. Communicate.
One common thread I see in many divorce cases is a lack of communication between the parties as the marriage begins to crumble. I am not a relationship expert. I am not a marital therapist. I am a divorce lawyer. I am making an observation. Of course, marriages become dysfunctional for many reasons. Lack of communication leading to divorce is just one common factor that I see in my divorce practice.
Good communication may help keep you out of divorce court. Carefully vetting your potential spouse is also very important.
Doing the hard things now often beats divorce court.
Become a better communicator with your spouse. If that means breaking out of your comfort zone, then do that. Many divorce clients can be too quick to point fingers at the other person instead of working on themselves or upping their communication skills. Never been a great communicator? Not your personal style? Think about changing your style. Try it. A simple uptick in communication may save your marriage. You can thank me later.
Wait. Why is a divorce lawyer trying to save marriages? Isn’t that counterintuitive?
Yes it is. But guess what? If everyone did a better job understanding their rights and responsibilities before they got married, and did a better job communicating with their spouse during the marriage, fewer people would suffer the effects of divorce. That means fewer divorce clients for the members of the family law bar. That is fine. We can find another specialty to practice within the law. As a group, divorce lawyers are very smart. We will adapt. Now go talk to your spouse. Now.
One more reason to try to make your marriage better before calling me.
For most litigants, the divorce process is very stressful. The divorce machine can eat away at your soul. It can be very expensive. Time-consuming. An emotional drain. Many people are shocked to learn that some divorce laws are not always “fair”. Many family courts are overworked. Outcomes are never guaranteed.
Thinking about filing for divorce? Thinking about getting married? Thinking about a prenup? I invite your inquiry. Call me at (610) 256 4843. Let’s talk.
The engagement ring quagmire meets canine incompatibility
One fascinating aspect of my job as a family law attorney is that each day brings the possibility of a new, difficult, or esoteric family law problem that needs a solution. One fairly common question I get from prospective clients is “who keeps the engagement ring when the wedding is called off and the engagement is broken?”
In a majority of states, including Pennsylvania, the law is clear. The engagement ring is a conditional gift. The ring is part of a contract to marry. If the engagement is broken, the ring should be given back to the giver. Even if the giver broke off the engagement. (A minority of other states take a different approach).
When Max and Daisy cannot get along at all
Not long ago, a young woman contacted me about keeping the engagement ring she had been wearing for the past year. She told me that the ring was given to her by her (then) boyfriend when he proposed to her. Their relationship seemed to be trending toward marriage until it became clear that his Mastiff (Max) and her German Shepard (Daisy) could not be in the same house together. The ongoing barking and fighting between the dogs was unbearable.
Neither person would give up their beloved dog. This prevented the couple from moving in together. After a while, things began to go south and they broke off the engagement. Based on the facts of this case and under Pennsylvania law, the boyfriend was entitled to have the engagement ring returned to him. The young woman was not happy about her need to return the engagement ring, but she did return the ring.
Try to be sure your pets get along before planning a wedding. Ideally, your children should be compatible too.
Couples end engagements for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes one party cannot stand their prospective in-laws. Sometimes they come to discover that one party is obsessively neat, and the other party is a complete slob (I call this the “Odd Couple Situation”). Sometimes an adult or minor child of one party will not accept the other party. This was the first time I had encountered a couple breaking up due to their pets not getting along. Although I have seen breakups occur due to one party having too many pets. I have also seen a breakup occur when a party is allergic to the other party’s cat or dog.
Pets are often treated as a member of the family
Sometimes finding and selecting a partner can be difficult. Pets can play an important role in a prospective partner’s life. Keep in mind that the pet may have existed in your prospective partner’s life before he or she met you. That bond is not easily broken, nor should it be. Hopefully, you are testing your pet compatibility with your partner long before the talk of getting engaged or moving in together takes place.
Please feel free to contact my office at 610 256 4843. I invite your family law related inquiry.
Opinion – to lower the divorce rate, couples should consider exchanging credit reports before making wedding plans.
Being a divorce lawyer, I have seen more than my fair share of marital discord over finances. How a person handles finances before marriage is a fairly good indicator of how they will handle money after the wedding ceremony. Generally, most people do not suddenly adjust their spending habits or their relationship with money on their wedding day.
This person is taking the wrong premarital approach regarding finances after the wedding day. Do not emulate him.
Do you really know who you are marrying?
A majority of Americans have more credit card debt than they have in savings. Many couples who are in a serious, committed relationship know very little (to nothing) about the credit card use, spending habits assets, and debts of their significant other. Some people turn a blind eye to the lack of financial acumen possessed by their significant other. Some people think their significant other’s spending habits or relationship with money will magically change once the wedding takes place. These people are nearly always in for a rude awakening.
A prenup may help, but old (spending) habits die hard
A properly drafted and properly executed prenuptial agreement can usually help shield one or both parties from the debts incurred separately by the other party before the marriage. A prenup can also be drafted to shield one or both parties from debts incurred by the actions of one party during the marriage. However, shielding a party from large debts or runaway luxury spending (without the resources or income to support it) during the marriage, on an ongoing basis, can put a strain on any marriage.
If you are considering marriage, an hour spent with a family law attorney, before wedding plans are made, is time well spent.
Bottom line: be informed. Know how marital debts are divided in your jurisdiction in the event your marriage does not end “happily ever after”.
Thinking about getting married? Contact me at 610 256 4843 to book a consultation. I invite your inquiry.
Dozens of people contact my office on any given month, wanting me to represent them in their family law matter. A modest percentage of potential clients come in with an “amicable” mindset towards the other side. This is true whether the legal issue is divorce, child custody, support, equitable distribution of marital assets, having a prenup drafted, or any other family law related matter. The people who find themselves thrust into a family law matter can often help themselves by taking an “amicable” approach wherever possible.
This bloodhound seems to have the right “amicable” mindset. To his benefit, he doesn’t seem to care much about small things that obviously bring great joy to the other side.
Amicable does not mean “pushover”
Being amicable does not mean you are a pushover. It does not mean you are submissive. Or that you give up, just to get through the (sometimes grueling) family law process. Amicable in the context of a family law case can often mean being open-minded and good-natured, yet firm. Amicable can mean trying to be fair where the family law related process can sometimes seem unfair. Staying focused on important matters and being “big-picture smart” are good partners to the amicable mindset.
“Hey, I want that ice cream scoop”
Whenever I hear a divorce client fight over an ice cream scoop, an avocado peeler, or a pet stained bathroom throw rug (all real-life examples), I know it is time for what I call a “client recalibration exercise”. Some people are born to fight. About anything. Others pick their battles wisely. Sometimes my job entails keeping a divorce client focused on the right things.
I welcome your comments. Please feel free to contact my office for a brief consultation or for an in-depth conference if you are involved in a family law matter. I look forward to hearing from you.
I often get calls from potential clients who are having problems after their divorce decree is signed by the court and entered on their divorce docket. For some reason, their ex-spouse will not cooperate regarding some aspect of their Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) or court order. I have seen cases where one party will not sign over the deed to a piece of real estate, or sign a QDRO to transfer retirement funds even though they are required to do so. If the parties cannot resolve the issue, the courts can usually order compliance. Quite often, the party who is causing the problem is also ordered to pay reasonable attorney’s fees to the other side.
Sometimes people sit on their rights for a long time after a divorce decree is entered before taking action to protect their property rights. Depending on the specific facts of the case, waiting too long to protect one’s rights may cause someone to lose valuable post-divorce property rights. I have seen cases where a party waits many years before demanding the transfer of assets, and in the meantime, the assets have “disappeared”, the ex-spouse disappears or dies, or the assets have lost value.
Do Not Wait to Transfer Assets After Divorce. Be Diligent and Move on.
The longer you wait to transfer assets, the more of a chance something will go wrong, or the asset will “disappear” or your ex-spouse will disappear. If you wait to transfer assets and the asset appreciates, unless there is language to the contrary in your MSA, there is no guarantee you will be entitled collect the appreciation in value. Therefore, the best course of action is usually to effectuate the transfer assets you are entitled to receive as soon as possible after divorce.
A Properly Drafted MSA is Important.
I can’t overstate the importance of having your legal documents drafted by a competent attorney. A Marital Settlement Agreement is not a do-it-yourself type of document for a non-lawyer to draft. In most states, an MSA is interpreted by the courts under contract principles. Unless your marital settlement agreement is properly drafted, certain provisions may not be enforceable. You don’t want to find out the hard way that you saved a few dollars drafting your own MSA only to find out you are not protected. Have an experienced family law attorney draft your MSA. It is worth every penny. Feel free to contact my office to set up a consultation. 610 256 4843. I look forward to hearing from you.
