Category: Tales From the (Dark) Divorce Side

Forget the prospective in-laws, do your pets get along?

by Jonathan C. Noble, Esq.            3 minute read

The engagement ring quagmire meets canine incompatibility

One fascinating aspect of my job as a family law attorney is that each day brings the possibility of a new, difficult, or esoteric family law problem that needs a solution. One fairly common question I get from prospective clients is “who keeps the engagement ring when the wedding is called off and the engagement is broken?”

In a majority of states, including Pennsylvania, the law is clear. The engagement ring is a conditional gift. The ring is part of a contract to marry. If the engagement is broken, the ring should be given back to the giver. Even if the giver broke off the engagement. (A minority of other states take a different approach).

When Max and Daisy cannot get along at all

Not long ago, a young woman contacted me about keeping the engagement ring she had been wearing for the past year. She told me that the ring was given to her by her (then) boyfriend when he proposed to her. Their relationship seemed to be trending toward marriage until it became clear that his Mastiff (Max) and her German Shepard (Daisy) could not be in the same house together. The ongoing barking and fighting between the dogs was unbearable.

Neither person would give up their beloved dog. This prevented the couple from moving in together. After a while, things began to go south and they broke off the engagement. Based on the facts of this case and under Pennsylvania law, the boyfriend was entitled to have the engagement ring returned to him. The young woman was not happy about her need to return the engagement ring, but she did return the ring.

Try to be sure your pets get along before planning a wedding. Ideally, your children should be compatible too.

 

Couples end engagements for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes one party cannot stand their prospective in-laws. Sometimes they come to discover that one party is obsessively neat, and the other party is a complete slob (I call this the “Odd Couple Situation”). Sometimes an adult or minor child of one party will not accept the other party. This was the first time I had encountered a couple breaking up due to their pets not getting along. Although I have seen breakups occur due to one party having too many pets. I have also seen a breakup occur when a party is allergic to the other party’s cat or dog.

Pets are often treated as a member of the family

Sometimes finding and selecting a partner can be difficult. Pets can play an important role in a prospective partner’s life. Keep in mind that the pet may have existed in your prospective partner’s life before he or she met you. That bond is not easily broken, nor should it be. Hopefully, you are testing your pet compatibility with your partner long before the talk of getting engaged or moving in together takes place.

Please feel free to contact my office at 610 256 4843. I invite your family law related inquiry.

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Opinion – Credit Report Exchange Before Marriage

by Jonathan C. Noble, Esq.                                  3 minute read

Opinion – to lower the divorce rate, couples should consider exchanging credit reports before making wedding plans.

Being a divorce lawyer, I have seen more than my fair share of marital discord over finances. How a person handles finances before marriage is a fairly good indicator of how they will handle money after the wedding ceremony.  Generally, most people do not suddenly adjust their spending habits or their relationship with money on their wedding day.

This person is taking the wrong premarital approach regarding finances after the wedding day. Do not emulate him.

Do you really know who you are marrying?

A majority of Americans have more credit card debt than they have in savings. Many couples who are in a serious, committed relationship know very little (to nothing) about the credit card use, spending habits assets, and debts of their significant other. Some people turn a blind eye to the lack of financial acumen possessed by their significant other. Some people think their significant other’s spending habits or relationship with money will magically change once the wedding takes place. These people are nearly always in for a rude awakening.

A prenup may help, but old (spending) habits die hard

A properly drafted and properly executed prenuptial agreement can usually help shield one or both parties from the debts incurred separately by the other party before the marriage. A prenup can also be drafted to shield one or both parties from debts incurred by the actions of one party during the marriage. However, shielding a party from large debts or runaway luxury spending (without the resources or income to support it) during the marriage, on an ongoing basis, can put a strain on any marriage.

If you are considering marriage, an hour spent with a family law attorney, before wedding plans are made, is time well spent.

Bottom line: be informed. Know how marital debts are divided in your jurisdiction in the event your marriage does not end “happily ever after”.

Thinking about getting married? Contact me at 610 256 4843 to book a consultation.  I invite your inquiry.

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The Always Angry Spouse – Tales From The Dark (Divorce) Side

by Jonathan C. Noble, Esq.                   3 minute read

Family law case facts never surprise me. Digging deep is what I do.

Every family law case has a unique set of facts. There is almost always two (or three) sides to a story. Sometimes people focus more on emotional issues than on getting to the root cause of the friction in their relationship. I have had potential divorce clients come in for a consultation, then enter therapy for themselves and take good care of themselves. Sometimes a potential divorce client successfully reconciles with their spouse or partner. This is always a good thing, whenever possible.

Unfortunately, sometimes reconciliation is not possible. That is where I come in.

“I told you 2% milk, and you come home with 1% milk! How could you do that to me!”

I have handled family law cases where the daily living situation is no longer tenable for one or both spouses. One case involved a person who became increasingly agitated at virtually nothing. In one case, I had a client who would arrive home after a long day working in a high-stress job, only to have his stay-at-home spouse start yelling at him, for virtually no logical reason about the most minor insignificant things. He came in for a consultation after he realized that his spouse was abusive and hostile towards him, and things were getting worse. One night he arrived home with 1% milk, after his spouse sent him a text message earlier that day to buy 2% milk on his way home. “They were out of 2% milk, and it was getting late”, he told me. Something needed to change.

Sometimes underlying issues can be fleshed out and cleaned up. Sometimes not.

It is amazing what can happen when people realize what they can change and what they cannot change. Sometimes people blame their spouse or loved ones for problems that they themselves own. Sometimes people come to a relationship with deeply rooted baggage that only they can examine and repair. It may take work, and it may take help from a competent and caring mental health professional, but some people are willing to put in the work to save their relationship and become a better version of themselves. In some cases, this is not possible.

Consulting with an experienced family law attorney does not mean you are ready to file for divorce. However, it will help you understand your options and help you formulate a strategy going forward.

If you have read this far, you are likely thinking about contacting an experienced divorce or family law attorney. An in-depth consultation is usually a good idea before filing any documents, or hiring any attorney to represent you. It is almost always best to understand all of your options through the lens of a family law attorney who is licensed to practice in your state. Forget the well-meaning advice from friends and family members. Friends and family may love you, but they do not know the law, and cannot assess your legal situation as an attorney can.

Feel free to contact my office at 610 256 4843 if you would like to set up a brief phone call or an in-depth face-to-face consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.

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