by Jonathan C. Noble, Esq. 3 minute read
I was recently introduced to a television show titled “Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry“? Being a divorce and family law attorney, I could not resist finding out more about the program.
Basically, the show is based on marriages where one newlywed has kept a deep, dark secret from their spouse. In fact, sometimes they have more than one deep, dark secret. Unfortunately, the unsuspecting spouse finds him or herself starring in their own real-life horror movie, with no easy way out.
Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry? tells the unenviable stories about people who get married without really knowing the dark details about who they are marrying. Much like the show, I have seen people rush into a marriage for many reasons, and without knowing the other person very well. This is a high-risk gamble with a huge potential downside.
The real life stories are endless. Do your homework.
Some people feel that they “cannot do any better” so they “settle” on marrying their current partner. Some people feel that time is somehow “running out” and they want to get married before doing their homework. I have also seen couples enter into a marriage because their parents, friends, and or family members pressure them to get married. Of course, nobody should ever feel pressured to make a life decision, (such as getting married) unless and until they are ready.
The Evil Beauty, A Dangerous Affair, I Will Control You, Living a Double Life. Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry? You do NOT want to be asking yourself this question. Do your homework. Take your time. Getting married is easy. Getting divorced can be difficult.
Be wary of spousal abuse before you walk down the aisle. Spousal abuse can take many forms. Economic abuse. Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. Sexual abuse. While it is not always possible to completely vet a potential spouse, it is possible to keep your eyes open for tell-tale signs of possible abuse. Take your time. Listen to your instincts. Open your eyes. Wide. Early. Often. Things rarely get better.
I have been contacted by many potential divorce clients who endure abusive marriages, and end up wondering “Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry”? Sometimes they wait for years to take action because they do not want to be alone, or they feel like they would be considered a failure if they initiate divorce proceedings. While it is almost always preferable to work things out wherever possible and reasonable to do so, sometimes marriages become non-functioning or abusive.
In reality, I do not know of one person who escaped an abusive relationship or non-functioning marriage who was not convinced that they made the right decision. Actually, every abused person I ever met who did take action wishes they didn’t wait as long as they did. Most people saw warning signs, but chose to ignore them.
While nothing in life is 100% certain, proceeding with caution can help prevent you from ever starring in your own version of “Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry”?
I welcome your comments.